I have two thoughts on the brain today.
The first is my fresh realization that while I know I am loved, I need that love to be validated every now and again. What sparked this sudden thought? I was reading through my dearest mother's old posts, many of which expressed the love and pride she has for me. I never realized how much she openly expressed her love for me- and to all the world none the less-and how much I really needed that. I miss my mom pridefully blogging about me. I miss the frequent acts of love and support I often found in her and those around me back home. I still receive these acts of kindness every now and again, but growing up means weaning away from them and learning to do without. This has been a hard task for me, and today it weighs heavily on my mind. Rather than give up on the whole institution I've resolved to give my mom something great to blog about. I don't know what that is just yet, but i'm working on it. I want to make her proud again!
The second thought haunting me today is how much I hate the word "intimidating", and specifically it's application to myself. It is such a cop out. I don't date like I wish I did, and at times this is disheartening. My whole life people have presented the statement "people are just intimidated by you" as if to comfort me. I appreciate the effort, but really this just sets me off into further discouragement. I don't get it. What is it about me that makes me so unapproachable, so undesirable? When some one uses the term intimidating, I hear that i'm scary. Nobody wants to feel scary to those around them, especially to those they want to impress. This hurts, and this too is weighing on me today.
So there you have it, my thoughts for the day. It isn't my best post ever, but a relevant one to me as of now.
1 comment:
i think the word intimidating should be seen in more of a positive way. It really could be a compliment. Its another word for standing out, and being different. Just own it.
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